The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Aug. 25-31)

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.

Me: I don't believe in horoscopes, I'm just kinda narcissistic and love reading about myself

Also me: that makes me such a Gemini, lol

— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) August 29, 2018

everyday at 3pm i have what i call my "girl boss power hour" where i chug a cold brew, listen to "heaven is a place on earth" by belinda carlisle, and proceed to get absolutely nothing done for the rest of the afternoon!

— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) August 28, 2018

I have a cold but too much to do so I can’t be sick right now and googling “what does Beyoncé do when she’s sick” has not yielded fruitful results.

— Scaachi (@Scaachi) August 30, 2018

Showers? No way, it’s 2018 we’re getting cleansed by the moon

— slaughthie (@slaughthie) August 30, 2018

To All The Boys In Your Inbox Two Weeks Before Your Wedding

— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) August 29, 2018

Honestly flattered that Netflix recommends Coco to me like i'm an emotionally stable human who could watch it "for fun" and "without sobbing"

— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 27, 2018

if ur a man i follow on social media and u have a cool girlfriend i Will find her and i will follow her and i will like her a lot more than u. know this

— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) August 29, 2018

hi my name is Tracy and my favorite thing in the world is when you put a pair of sunglasses on a baby or a dog and they never try to take them off and they just serve all day

— Tracy Boomeisha-Ann Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) August 30, 2018

fleetwood mac: I know I could have loved you but you would not let me

10 year old me: I'LL FOLLOW YOU DOWN UNTIL THE SOUND OF MY VOICE WILL HAUNT YOU pic.twitter.com/WvDesurADK

— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) August 27, 2018

WOW if you sing along to Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette in your car on repeat you end up at a Bath & Body Works

— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) August 27, 2018

I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for the person that finds them tomorrow

— not karley (@Itskarleytime) August 30, 2018

It's okay to pound a bagel in the car in the morning before you visit your gluten free friend. You are both queens of different kingdoms.

— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) August 28, 2018

The only thing you shouldn’t be allowed to wear to play tennis is a giant tennis ball costume

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 25, 2018

My Roomba is going in the acknowledgements of my next book

— lyz lenz (@lyzl) August 29, 2018

No thank you, I will not be coming to your party. I have already been to a party.

— Tinker Elle (@elle91) August 31, 2018

Here to announce that I too am a proud member of the thirsty old bitches for Peter Kavinsky club.

— Ramou Sarr (@Ramou) August 25, 2018

Just re-watched the Devil Wears Prada and forgot it was a movie about a young woman whose ambitions are quashed by a wack boyfriend

— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) August 28, 2018

Oh, you don’t reuse plastic bags from the store as trash bags in your bathroom? Sorry, I didn’t realize I was dealing with royalty here.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 30, 2018

Salad is for when you want to eat healthy, but you’re also mad at yourself.

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) August 28, 2018


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