31 humorous and sarcastic travel quotes

Read some funny, absurd and sarcastic travel quotes from people who are in a love-hate relationship with traveling.

1. He didn’t really like travel, of course. He liked the idea of travel, and the memory of travel, but not travel itself. - Julian Barnes

2. People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American. - David Sedaris

3. What is it about maps? I could look at them all day, earnestly studying the names of towns and villages I have never heard of and will never visit... - Bill Bryson



4. I have panicked unnecessarily in all four corners of the globe. - Jon Ronson

5. Modern traveling is not traveling at all; it is merely being sent to a place, and very little different from becoming a parcel. - John Ruskin

6. You can handle just about anything that comes at you out on the road with a believable grin, common sense and whiskey. - Bill Murray



7. In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language. - Mark Twain

8. The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass. - Mark Twain

9. Every Englishman abroad, until it is proved to the contrary, likes to consider himself a traveler and not a tourist. - Evelyn Waugh

10. In some peculiar way, indeed, the rules were now beginning to seem quite logical. It was then I knew that I had been in India long enough. - Tahir Shah

11. Adventure, yeah. I guess that's what you call it when everybody comes back alive. - Mercedes Lackey



12. Statuettes of drunken sailors, velvet pictures of island maidens, plastic seashell lamps made in Taiwan. What contempt the people who think up souvenirs have for other people. - Diane Johnson

13. Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. - Jerry Seinfeld

14. It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, 'As pretty as an airport'. - Douglas Adams

15. It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off. - Woody Allen

16. He has a passport," my classmates would whisper. "Quick, let's run before he judges us! - David Sedaris

17. It is the right of a traveler to vent their frustration at every minor inconvenience by writing of it to their friends. - Susanna Clarke